I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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