no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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