We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize