Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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