my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
