plz talk dirty to me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
