You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
