I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
