Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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