I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize