wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
