She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
