Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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