I think my vagina is haunted
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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