um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
