I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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