Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
