apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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