i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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