apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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