Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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