Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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