seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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