i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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