Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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