Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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