So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
