I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
