Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
