Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize