Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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