When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
