Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
