Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is the high leading the old right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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