I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
