You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize