there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
