4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
