Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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