Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
