he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
