College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
