So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
