Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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