Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
