but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
