I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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