just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do herpes really smell.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
