Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
