Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize