Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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