now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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