Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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