I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Randomize