You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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