You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
