Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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