the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this hospital has no fireball
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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