put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's great music for shaving your balls
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
