i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
