you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
