I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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