i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
