I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
His nipple licking is glorious
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