a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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