haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just pee around me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
