i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
