He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
