is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
