that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
